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9 Bruises | Slap Me

Fuck Mama Gena. [14 Sep 2004|03:56pm]
[ mood | cold ]

I read something horrible on MSN today. It was some bitch asking stupid questions to this 'professional' advise-giver, Mama Gena. What follows is the email I sent to Mama.

"Dear MAMA,

I recently read some advice you gave to a woman who was a complete jerk. It was this woman here:

"I am a 31-year-old female in need of your help. I've been dating Dennis exclusively for about 18 months now, and the "M" word has come up (which, by the way, is not the problem). I must admit, he is quite the opposite of what I've always gone for. Dennis is 34 and currently an exterminator, he lives in an attic apartment on the bad side of town and drives a beat up 17-year-old car. He seems to be perfectly content with his way of living. He does not seize opportunities to better his life and is the worst with keeping appointments and promises. What I like about him is he's nice and caring, a good cook, loyal, social, can be romantic and he's a good conversationalist. My dislikes are that he's indecisive, not established, short, bald and round, lacks drive and has low expectations in life. I know in my heart that I do love him, however, I don't know if it's enough to sustain that "happy ever after" that I someday hope to experience. My concerns are (realizing that looks aren't everything) would I not be a good woman if I couldn't look beyond my partner's looks or truly listen to him when I know he's just talking to be talking? I often wonder Dennis is really capable of raising a family and being an adequate provider. I'm striving to be unselfish and do the right thing, but I feel so confused... Please help."

Though you probably remember it, here's how you replied:

"Oh my, oh my, come rest thy weary head on Mama's knee and allow her to spin you a little yarn. We have to clear that sweet little head of yours and set you to rights about who and what a man is, so you can make a great decision. Did you ever hear the story about Beauty and the Beast? Belle, a lovely young woman, met this hairy fat beast with really bad table manners. He was gruff on the outside, but he had a pure heart. Belle fell in love with this beast. And it was through her love and training that he turned into a prince. See, guys on their own recognizance won't necessarily aim very high. A beer and a channel-changer is about enough excitement for them. But a man with a woman by his side, a woman who wants things from him, a woman who sees his potential and is unafraid of asking the best of him, oh, my darling, that man has a shot at becoming a hero. Dennis is your friend; he is attentive to you and your desires, right? That's a great start. Now it's time for you to ask him for everything you want: Where you want to live, what career you want to see him in, what kind of life you want to create together. He has the potential to take care of you in any style you desire, just point him in the right direction and enjoy the unfolding adventure of turning your beast into your prince!

If you want some inspiration from your predecessors, check out how Nancy Reagan inspired Ronald. Or how Annette Bening inspires Warren Beatty. Or Goldie Hawn with Kurt Russell. Join the ranks of the brilliant man-trainers of the world: Women who use men to fulfill their dreams and desires!"

That woman sickened me. But I had a hope that your reply would make it all better. I thought maybe you had some sense, considering you've actually got a job that pays you to help these jerks with their stupid problems. Your reply was, unfortunately, just puke-flavored icing on the cake made of puke. How could you possibly take yourself seriously after a suggestion like that? "He has the potential to take care of you in any style you desire..."? Are you SERIOUS?? What happened to women's liberation? Anything he can do I can do better, right? Why don't you tell her to go off and be the bread-winner herself and stop thinking he should take care of her. Those days are long gone. Not to mention that if it was a man writing this very same email, you would not have said that. You would have skinned him alive. Try some role-reversal next time to be sure and have an unbiased retort.

Here's what you should have said:

"Dear Cunt,

This man is wasting his time with you. Why has he spent 18 months with such a superficial turd? Why is he staying with a woman who's unhappy with him? Why is having a 17-year-old car something bad? Are you saying that just because he's not making payments on some shitty, gas-guzzling SUV and in horrible credit card debt that you're better than him? I think not, Miss Asshole. I think he's better than you, and obviously gets more enjoyment out of life because you're too busy whining about unimportant things.

Oh no, he's an EXTERMINATOR? How un-glamorous! You must be horribly embarrassed when you introduce him at cocktail parties. What are you complaining about, anyway? Can he not pay the bills? Does he borrow money from you to pay for his crap apartment? Does he steal it? Do YOU have to take care of HIM? Does he have a drug-habit you support? What? No? So you mean your only REAL complaint is that he's short, bald, and fat? Well now, I understand completely! You betrayed yourself with that statement, and it's all clear now. If he said that about you, a rabid gang of feminists would lynch him! But you can say that all you want, you're an Invincible Woman, after all. And me, being the dumbass woman reporter I am, I'll support it. It's okay to be open with your feelings. It's okay to say he's not quite attractive. All your little bitch friends will clap you on the back for being so open. But the moment he says your breasts sag let's kill him.

Hypocritical cunt! Get over yourself! Break up with him now so he has a chance to find REAL love."

You didn't say that though, did you? Instead you spat out some meaningless bullshit about TRAINING him. Nancy Reagan! What fucking relevance does she have? LIKE Reagan wasn't a fucking intelligent guy and an economist before her. I'm sure he would have been shit without her, right? Same with Kurt Russell. He didn't get into acting at all before Goldie Hawn, right? WRONG. Your examples are ridiculous. Laughable. And just like that bitch, you betrayed yourself with this: "Women who use men to fulfill their dreams and desires!" Exactly right. You're a USER. You ride men to the top and then you discard them.

Just reading your reply back now makes the bile rise in my throat. You're deplorable. You sicken me. You make me wish I had a cock so I could anally rape you as I garrote you with fiber wire until you die, and then fuck your dead skull and shoot cum in your dead eye-sockets. You're completely useless to the world, and you're just encouraging stupid, asshole soccer moms to continue their tradition of being stupid assholes. You're not empowering women, you're making them unbearable jerks, just like you.

Fuck you, you dumb fucking slut. You're everything that's wrong with the world. You're Satan. I hope you at least suck cocks so someone can get some enjoyment out of your whore mouth.

Hating Your Guts

PS - Can I have that bitch's email so I can tell her off, too? Haha, probably not."

I encourage you all to write to her and tell her that she's a horrible, horrible person. Of course none of you will. You never do. No one backs me up. I doubt any of you would bother to piss on me if I was on fire. Ha.

Here's her email, anyway. askmama@match.com

4 Bruises | Slap Me

FUCK YOU, TRUTH ADS! [30 Aug 2004|05:16pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I've just read an article, here, that is pro-Truth-ad. I got it from Livejournal user TaintedRocky, and she's a complete moron. (Please, go bother her.) I've now sent an email to the man who wrote the article. Here it is. :D

"What is with your completely ridiculous report, "Popping Off: Big Tobacco can't handle the truth"? This has got to be the most horrible thing I've read all week. A few points:

1 - No one is forcing teens to smoke. "Big Tobacco" (I love how you liberal bastard reporters have coined that phrase, making them look evil with just a name), is not going up to each individual teen, plugging their noses until they cannot breathe and are forced to open their mouths, and stuffing in a cigarette - making them puff away until they are addicted. You simply want to put a face to your rage, so you can blame it for everything that's wrong with the world, and Big Tobacco is convenient. You're an idiot.

2 – Teenagers who DO smoke are morons, and they deserve what they get. As a teen, I'm pumped full of so much goddamn "This is your lungs on cigarettes!" propaganda, that I wouldn't touch a cigarette with YOUR mouth, which I hate because obviously nothing springs forth from it but lies. The ones who smoke are the same ones who spread their legs for the entire football team, the same ones who buy Nike because it's a brand name, the same ones who tell stories about how they got so drunk they passed out, the same ones who give into any peer pressure they are presented with. They are completely incapable of thinking for themselves, and they should be punished for it.

3 – Truth ads are like ads for cigarettes, there is no difference. They're just another form of peer pressure. If they have had any effect in stopping teen smoking, it's all just a byproduct of America raising kids who can't think for themselves. Instead of presenting teens with scare-tactics, why not just give them all the facts and let them decide for themselves? If they then decide to smoke, fuck them. Oh, but you've already betrayed yourself, my little reporter. "Teens can't be expected to educate themselves against this sophisticated marketing machinery. They need to be informed." Haha. That's a fucking JOKE. Sophisticated marketing machinery? Are you serious? Do you really think that kids see commercials for cigarettes (which you've managed to get off TV now, you cunting reporters, but oh alcohol is so harmless so let's keep THAT around), and then go and get some? Are you really that naive? They smoke because their parents don't want them to. They smoke because their friends do. They smoke because they're idiots. Marketing comes in last on the great list of why kids smoke. Give them, give US, some fucking credit.

My god how I hate you. Here you quote a Truth commercial: "In one ad, an industry memo is read, revealing that a major tobacco company started targeting gays and homeless people. They called their plan Project Sub-Culture Urban Marketing. Also known as Project SCUM." I saw that commercial. You know what was so funny about it? People who smoke ARE scum, and I respect Big Tobacco for treating them as such. Anyway, who cares what they call them? I'm sure the people churning out shiny new Nike shoes might call their buyers sheep, but does anyone take note? No, because it doesn't matter. It's a fucking product, and people fucking want it.

"As if offing 1,200 Americans a day isn't enough...." Haha. How did you get a job in the reporting industry when you're such a silly moron? Oh, that's right, the media is controlled by bleeding-heart cunts like you. I forgot. They're not OFFING anyone. Have you heard of supply-and-demand? The demand for cigarettes is overwhelming, and they are supplying. If it were up to you, we'd no doubt be living in a Demolition Man-like society where even salt is illegal, because it's BAD for you. You fuckers love to claim you want freedom, but you don't even know what freedom is. You want a society where everything is illegal, you want to wrap everyone in cotton wool and protect them from the harsh world. You want to raise mindless automatons who chant, "Smoking is bad!" rather than intelligent people who are free. YOU are scum. You don't even know that the world you're trying to create would be hell to live in. You have no apparent powers of forsight.

The most annoying thing about your article is your tone. You speak as though you are speaking for every American, as though everyone is on your side because you are on the side of the Right and the True. Well you're wrong. You may be the majority in this godforsaken Michael-Moore-loving country, but everyone is NOT like you. True, intelligent people like me and my few friends are in the minority. We feel overwhelmed by you idiots, and most of the time we want to kill ourselves because you treat us like children. But you're not Right, you're not True, you're not a Champion of Justice. You are a child, more than I am and I am still a child. You are naive. You are stupid. And you are handing this world over on a silver platter to Satan. You are leading us into the next Dark Age.

Why have you people chosen cigarettes as the big evil, anyway? Why not alcohol? Smoking kills plenty of people, sure, but they're CHOOSING to smoke. Alcoholics kill tons of people not even involved in the act of drinking. Drunk drivers kill more people than second-hand smoke does, because second-hand smoke is a fucking MYTH. Who decided that smoking is more evil than drinking? Was it you? Yes. I think it was you. I think it was you personally. Because you've put a face on your anger, your hate, I will now put a face on mine. Whenever I question why the world is so shitty, I now know who to blame. It was you, Parvaz. I will see your smug liberal face whenever I close my eyes. It was you. You're to blame for all the evils in the world.

Thank you for your time, you stinking piece of human garbage,

His email is dparvaz@seattlepi.com - I encourage you all to write to him and express your outrage, whether you're a smoker or not. I hope all of you are like me, and you hate idiotic Truth commercials. :D

2 Bruises | Slap Me

I need money. [28 Aug 2004|09:28pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I probably have to move to go to college, and even IF I get enough financial aid to go, that probably won't cover the move. (The college here doesn't offer the course I want to study. ENGLISH. What self-respecting university doesn't offer ENGLISH, for Christ's sake??) So I'm begging for money.

If you can spare a buck, or two, or three... please do. I need to get my learn on. My brain is melting.

2 Bruises | Slap Me

I burn the flag. [28 Aug 2004|09:21pm]
[ mood | numb ]

I took law as a senior in High School. I'm not generally interested in law or politics or America for that matter... but I had to take something and the teacher was a neat guy. It turns out I was stuck in a class full of completely opinion-less people. I'd heard all these stories about law class, how there were lively debates and it was fun and interesting. But no matter how the teacher tried, this group was just completely colorless. Soulless. Empty.

He asked them what they thought of abortion. They shrugged. He tried to get them to express their political views. They had none. It was all in vain.

Then one day he handed out a little snippet of news, as he had many times before. This one was about a guy who was protesting the use of nuclear arms in some war. He gathered up a group of people, set fire to the American flag, and chanted, "Red white and blue, we spit on you!" The guy thought that the use of nukes was against everything America stood for. He wasn't an America-hater, he just wanted to make a point.

So the teacher had us write on a piece of paper whether we thought it was right or wrong that the guy was arrested, and a few lines on why. Then he had us pass them up. This was all done secretly, so no one could just take whatever opinion everyone else had.

He flipped through, looking at the results. Finally he said, "Jessica." I cringed. "You said it was wrong that he was arrested. Why do you think that?"

"Umm," says I. "Because he didn't hate America, and it's stupid to have a law against burning the flag anyway." Or something equally inelegant. I wasn't prepared to be singled out. And even if I had been, I'm bad with confrontation.

"Well," says the teacher. "Since you're the only one in the whole class who took his side, I have to take your side."

What? A class of nearly 30 kids, opinion-less when it comes to ABORTION, whom – it seems – even caterpillars have opinions on, don't like flag burning? How obscure!

So he opposed them and got them debating, weakly, and of course the recurring theme was, "Uh, it's like, offensive to people who were in wars and stuff. Like veterans." Great. Nice stock answer, you fucking wank.

They really didn't care either way. They just wrote what they figured they were supposed to think. It all makes sense now, in retrospect. To have an opinion on abortion, you have to take a risk. You can't look around and decide what the majority of the class will think and adopt their opinion so you won't be out on a limb. But flag burning, well that's OBVIOUSLY wrong. Everyone will agree. No risk there. I'm staunchly against it!

My mother recently asked me why I hate people. "You're intelligent," she said. "I would think that intelligent people have more tolerance." I have tons of tolerance, O Mother. I have oodles. But when faced with such insurmountable odds, when faced with these children-who-are-our-future and are complete blank slates brainwashed by liberal bullshit, who actually believe that a law forbidding you burn a piece of cloth because it offends people ISN'T infringing on personal freedom, how can I NOT look around and see so much to hate?

4 Bruises | Slap Me

You come near me with those scissors and I'll shoot you in the face!! [10 Aug 2004|09:10pm]
[ mood | angry ]

What is with America being so circumcise-happy? They say it's for cleanliness reasons and because it's harder to spread HIV with snipped cocks, but that's untrue. In fact, it all started because people in the 18th or 19th century were obsessed with stopping masturbation. Some insane doctor believed that foreskin made men masturbate, so he got it to be normal practice by doctors to snip.

But, apparently, insurance companies (who only desire money so the truth comes out) are stopping the practice of covering circumcision, because there IS no health reason to do it. Uncircumcised guys are completely healthy and normal. Sure, you could snip off a chick's pussy lips and say, "But now she's cleaner!" I'm sure it's true. But is it INSANE? Yes.

It's funny because if you talk to circumcised guys, most will say they don't miss it. Well of COURSE you don't miss it! If your left hand had been cut off at birth, you probably wouldn't miss that, either! A few DO miss it, though, and they're pissed off it's gone and they petition to get rid of it as a practice. But if you talk to uncircumcised guys, they will ALWAYS say: "If some cunt had taken my foreskin, I'd be pissed off!" Probably not, but I do think they're more content with life.

The most horrible thing is that my mom circumcised my brother so cavalierly. Of course he doesn't miss his foreskin, he's a moron. But she's one of those types who says, "Men shouldn't have opinions on abortion, it's none of their business!" What? But you believe disfiguring your son is okay? Fucking hypocrite! Most people only do it for aesthetics nowadays, anyway, which is a pretty shallow, shitty thing to do. I mean, christ, so what if YOU think circumcisions look better? You should let your son KEEP his goddamn foreskin and then if he wants to whack it off when he's an adult (I assure you he won't, at any time he can pull it back and feel what it'd be like to be snipped), then he can whack it off himself.

They're always up in arms about female circumcision, too. Like, oh, that's so barbaric! But what we do isn't, it's for cleanliness after all! A man couldn't possibly PULL THE SKIN back and clean it, could he? Besides, it makes masturbation and sex easier, why would we want that? We wouldn't! We're a pent-up, unsexual, scared-of-the-body country.

Psh. And people ask Englanders why they DON'T circumcise. Wrong fucking question.

And by the way – men SHOULD have opinions on abortion. Women shouldn't be allowed to HAVE abortions without the sperm-donator's consent. This bullshit about it being "a woman's body" and "a woman's choice" and shit is ridiculous. If I were a guy, I'd kill any female who fucking stole my sperm and then said she was going to keep it and raise it. Fuck that! You're not having MY kid to raise if I don't want my fucking genes carrying on! Goddamn selfish cunts! I hate women!!

Slap Me

A poem. [10 Mar 2004|11:35pm]
[ mood | impressed ]

This was written by an inmate in prison to the person he stalked. It's the best thing I've read all week. :D


just a bit psychotic
a little out to lunch
beneath my 3lb. sledgehammer
your knees begin to crunch...
you made me very angry
to my sheer delight
you don't think i'd hurt you,
you never were that bright...
you think i cannot find you,
i don't know where to start
yet when you least expect it
i'll tear your soul apart!
i creep among the shadows
through the dead of night
hiding in the bushes
staying out of sight
i draw my smith & wesson
and aim it at your head
add pressure to the trigger
i watch you fall, you're dead!!
lying in a puddle
your blood is running thick
you never got to see it
you died too fucking quick!!

2 Bruises | Slap Me

Michael Moore... again. [15 Jan 2004|02:34pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

I've been having arguments lately with people online over the whole Michael Moore thing. The problem with these people is that they take everything he says at face-value, without doing any actual research for themselves.

At first, I thought Michael was just misled and actually gave a shit about the public, and was another bleeding-heart liberal. But, after reading this and several other articles of the sort, I realize that he's not misled, but manipulative and lying.


5 Bruises | Slap Me

NeoPets. [21 Sep 2003|01:27am]
[ mood | chipper ]

I'm raising a NeoPet. If you click on THIS and create an account, I'll get money. Well, not real money. Fake money, for my pet. :D

6 Bruises | Slap Me

[04 Sep 2003|10:59pm]
Yes, I'm one of the annoying friends-only journals. If you care to give a crap, add me as a friend and I'll probably do the same.

You haven't done anything wrong to cause this. Really, it's not you, it's me.

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